Does Rejection Hurt?

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

Does Rejection Hurt?

The quick answer is yes.

It hurts like hell and, I would argue, this is the No. 1 problem with many of the thin-skinned people in O-Land. It seems like many people attracted to Rand have a more difficult time with rejection than others. I say this from personal experience and from my observations running a forum for several years.

There's even neuroscience that shows the same parts of the brain light up when a person is rejected as when he experiences physical pain.

Ayn Rand herself cried for two whole years after Atlas Shrugged was rejected by vicious critics, and she was not a thin-skinned woman.

But there's a longer, better answer.

Rejection can be awesome.

Yeah right.

In your dreams, huh?

But it's true.

I just saw a Google talk by Jia Jiang. He discusses rejection from a quirky perspective that is absolutely charming.

Jia Jiang, "Why Rejection is Awesome" | Talks at Google

For those who don't want to see that much video (about 50 minutes), here is the short version.

Jia Jiang made a project out of trying to be rejected 100 days in a row by asking strangers for absolutely ridiculous things. He made videos and kept a public record on a blog.

Two things happened:

1. He got desensitized to rejection, so now he reacts to it objectively instead of emotionally. He even embraces it when it happens.

2. About 50% of the people he asked said yes.

Think about it for a minute. That's a hell of a thing to contemplate.

What 50% of our ridiculous dreams are we missing in life because we're too afraid to ask?

So if you are interested in what to do about the bad vibes and hurt feelings you get from rejection, give yourself a treat. Go for the long version and watch the video.

Here is Jia's blog where he wrote about his experiences.

100 Days of Rejection Therapy

That's an even longer version.

I haven't gone through the blog yet, but I will. It sure looks awesome.

I know the talk was way cool.

(Reject me... reject me you fool... reject me like there's no tomorrow... )

Michael

[Selene]

Thanking the person for the "No," is a psychological exercise in the Sandler training process.

When the entity that you are attempting to "sell" says "no," you thank them and mean it.

First, subconsciously, you have to get nine (9) rejections to get to the "yes," by the numbers.

Second, it gives you what Sandler refers to as the "back door close," wherein the prospect subconscously wonders why you just thanked them for the "rejection" and is now willing to te-listen to you.

Finally, it takes the rejection and turns it into a positive.

A...

[BaalChatzaf]

Yes. If it is unjust rejection. If one is rejected for good cause he should thank the rejector for the lesson.

Unjust rejection and unjust or undeserved praise are annoying and possibly hurtful.

Ba'al Chatzaf

[Brant Gaede]

You can talk about rejection forever and all be true. This can be taken literally or metaphorically: throw a hand grenade at someone and he throws it back. That's rejection!

--Brant

now we can talk!

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

I have only gone through 4 on the blog so far, but what a hoot.

The videos are all short, about a couple of minutes or less each, except for the Duncan Donuts lady, which was over 4.

And there seems to be a bonus. This series is almost like a lesson in how to ask strangers for weird things and be pleasantly flexible in negotiating the answer.

So far, he asked a stranger to loan him $100 (no), for a free "burger refill" at a fast food joint (no), for a Duncan Donuts lady to make him interlinked donuts like the Olympics symbol (she not only did it, she did not charge him for it), and to deliver the next pizza for Domino's Pizza (no).

Even when he receives a no, he seems to be brightening the day of these folks. I think the good vibes are due to the polite way he asks for the crazy thing, the quirkiness of the crazy thing itself (which is inherently interesting during the stranger's daily grind), and his unhurt benevolent posture (bordering on clueless if you look at it from the stranger's viewpoint) when he receives the answer.

I'm turning into Jia's fan.

Michael

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

I just watched another few.

The cutest was when Jia asked to say a message over Costco's intercom. He said he was a fan of the store and wanted the customers to applaud.

The manager said no, not possible, but he did buy Jia supper.

Michael

[Brant Gaede]

Does he ask for anything he deeply and terribly wants? I can see how he's prepared the way for that, reading what you've said. Does he go there?

--Brant

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

Brant,

Not in the beginning.

His initial purpose is to desensitize himself from the sting of rejection, not wallow in the pain.

Michael

[Brant Gaede]

Brant,

Not in the beginning.

His initial purpose is to desensitize himself from the sting of rejection, not wallow in the pain.

Michael

In 1976 I went right at the pain, heroically I suppose, with mixed results.

--Brant

humor can buffer pain by discouraging rejection--what's to reject?